Dirty words

A blade of a knife rest between my lips

The sharp end numbs my tounge as it digs deeper with every word I speak

I wish it could cut and tear my vocal box

Like a present 

I can't speak life 

I can't speak hope

My heart is hard and feels heavy from the dark

I hate to see my own mother cry and weep agony out of her eyes 

Her whales crush my heart

I wish I could never speak

So that her ears may not bleed

I pray for my mouth to sow itself shut

So she could plant life in the soil of my heart

Instead of tearing us apart

I love you 

I plead I be free

From this person I am to be

You have given me life from your womb

But I have given you wounds

Please forgive me

And love me