Friday, February 28, 2014

The Seal with a Kiss

In the dark
laying here staring at the ceiling 
As I play the images
Of what could have been
Wishing this never happened
that deceitful kiss
That has burned a hole
in my fragile heart.
How could you do this
To me?
Telling me nothing happened
That special bond
didn't exist
It can't be reversed
I dance alone tonight.
I hear the love songs
it burns like fire
it sickens me.
Thinking of love makes me cringe. 
Because of you. 
Now you hide what happened
as a dark secret.
Never to be spoken again.
I am lost
confused with reality
I await for you
To tell me
I am yours.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Unspoken Gift

Come  close
closer to my lips that you 
ever so desire.
Six years of endless love
I finally bring to a close
I deceive you.
Taking your love
your heart and locking it up;
never to be seen again.
I own your love.
For me,
I crave for your tears
As you sit
 with unspoken fear.
Streaming like a river through your veins
Watching you suffer
makes me grow stronger.

My body is withered and weak
But I see right through you
For you have been hurt
by a many
This is your revenge
a satisfaction of fear
To hate, to replace the pain from love.
Taking the beauty out of everything
to feed your pain of the soul
or  the black hole
you carry.
I tell you as I leave
That I forgive all that you have done
I give you love.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Pain Game

Hey Boondocks! This piece was painful to write, for I have dealt with two out of the three. If you are going through abuse by someone else or yourself, get help. Tell a trusted friend or adult. They will help you whether its a place to live or counseling. For little you know they have gone through the same exact thing. Stay Strong Boonies.

Three Abusers

Im afraid
of you.
To be near ,
to hug you.
One touch sends a shutter down my spine,
Your words hurt me.
Telling me Im stupid, useless, unperfected
when I try to be it miss pleases you
For once I wish you called me beautiful
Loved me, cared about me.
You push me away with your words
When I need you the most
I can't tell you
Because im afraid of being disowned 
Everyday your words echo through my head
Something I dread hearing
For what I hear hurts me.
You are verbal abuse

goes the glass beer you through at me
cutting my arms and face.
Then you take me by the wrists to show me a lesson
by bashing me against the wall over and over.
Throwing me across the room like a game.
The anger in your eyes burns like fire.
What did I ever do to you?
What did I do to deserve this?
Ive been left with busies and black eyes.
Scares and cuts in my arms and face.
I look to my left and right
As people stare
trying to find a reason
of why i look like this.
You physical abuse.

No one likes me
No body cares
If I live or die
At least thats what the world says.
I should just give up.
I can't do anything right
Everything I touch gets ruined.
Inside demons hide,
Where my imperfections
my true self is kept locked up.
I wanna escape from these people,
this town, this world.
I wanna be in my own.
Where I can be my self
and create my own friends.
Where I have love, care, and home.
You mental abuse.

I am here
a warm welcome
a friend.
You are strong and courageous
You are powerful and kind.
You have no need to live this way.
Take it from me.
The one who lived this life.
Don't fall for the labels and judgements.
For you see, you know the truth 
Those who care will know.
The real you. 
Put your hand on your heart.
Feel that,
That is called purpose.
For you deserve much better.


Thursday, February 20, 2014

Love's trials

Ive looked
Back at the photographs.
Replaying the memories
as they flash before me
In all the corners of life
I have never found
love from another.
One to call my own.
Ive stumbled trying 
but all of them leave
never to be spoken to again.
I seem helpless and lost
but I am not.
For I await 
for the one 
who will rise.
Jumping into his arms
knowing his mine forever.
But all of that 
is merely a dream.
That every person desires.
In this time I have
I will smile, laugh, and cherish
Because that is worth more
than a diamond. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


Your eyes welcome me in
Into your house of life and love
Giving me a warm welcome 
Into your arms
When you look at me 
Your eyes say I want you 
But your mouth says we're just friends
My heart is lost 
In these empty rooms and halls 
As you send me into a confusing spiral
Ever since I've met you I've loved you.
Since that kiss I cannot hold back the way I feel for you
But it meant nothing in your mind
I am forever lost 
In the shadows of the land of the lonely 
Waiting for an answer.


Sunday, February 16, 2014

The Souls Craving

I live in the dark 
I thirst for the past
I whisper the nameless shadows 
I hide in the mists of the forrest
My soul haunts every corner
I thrive on fear
No light can shine and dine here
For I suck life out of everything
With a kiss of my breath 
Tales ring my history 
My name scares every fiber in ones heart 
I bring death to the earth
Beauty suffocates at my presence 
Joy scortches at my touch
For I am unbearable 
Cunning and desirable 
I am revenge 


Friday, February 14, 2014

Four Eyes

Hey Boondocks! Sorry for the lateness on this piece of another chapter of home. Writers are busy at times and Im doing my best. But you guys and gals I will put first. This chapter of Home is just the transition of Cassandra's background a little piece of the chapter Four eyes. Enjoy!

Born and raised in  the southern part of Frank town Alaska. Its not as bad as most think. The summer is gorgeous with daisy growing in the fields, the sun ever so bright. Winters are like nothing I've ever seen. Snow pillows cover every inch of the state. I must be crazy for liking this. School here is just the bees knees. One of the many qualities I have is old fashioned and corny sayings. In school I have no friends, at the start of my freshmen year. As soon as every one saw me they immediately welcomed me in with nicknames. Calling me four eyes, hillbilly freckles or freakcles. Most of the time I just go into my own world. Other times I cry and weep when they say outsider, or immigrant. A sense of not belonging anywhere I go. At least at home I have security and honesty, a place where I belong. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014




Tossing, turning 
No where to hide from
The pain
Pressing your back against the wall
Head buried in your arms
Silence surrounds like a cloud 
Not a song bird, not a quake,
No creaks and grinds of the old hinges
All that is left is the sounds of sobs
A burst of endless cries.
No way out of these walls
Desperate for air and a gentle sound
From a voice any voice
All alone sleep becomes your only friend
Every nightfall a flash of your past
It's the same one over and over
Your with friends smiling seeing the world for its greatness.
Dreams soon become nightmares
Everyone you have known disappears
Never to be seen again.
Your the only one left
Gazing around the room 
A far window becomes your only light 
If your lucky a person walks past lightly
pats on the cracked pavement.
Cry out no answer
Going back to the wal in despaire with no escape
Arms are scratched and battered
To make the painful past marked in your veins
Asking your self
How could you have prevented this?
Done better?
Wishing you could save your life 
But seeing no way. 
Looking back at the window
Wanting a kiss of sunlight
A breath of fesh air for the one you breath smells hostile
The days pass
What time is it?
What day?
Suddenly footsteps aproach 
To the window 
Your heart fills with hope
As you see a girl with angle soft hair,
Blue eyes, ripped jeans, and ragged shirt
These eyes stare at you 
You soon realize this girl is you.
She whispers
Why are you trapped in your past?


Sunday, February 9, 2014

Be at Peace

Hey Boondocks! The next segment of my chapter of home will be on Wednesday. Until then enjoy this poetry! Stay Strong!


Fireflies dance in the night.
Oh what a sight!
Feel the cold, 
With a touch of warmth
from a distant fire.
Watch the smoke
as it dissipates into the stars.
Clear and bright
Framed by the trees.

Let your mind and soul roam. 
Free into the sky.
Let you heart be at peace,
For tonight nothing can harm you
Not even your self.

Take this moment and treasure.
Its beauty,
deep within the locket of your heart.
For tonight you can breathe,
At last
Without all the pain,
and agony's grasp.
Let your anxiety flee to the moon above.
You are free at last
Let it take you, 
To wonders unknown. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Cassandra ( continue of home)

Close your eyes,
count to 10.
Listen to the birds 
around you. 
Breathe the fresh air,
feel the gentle breeze.
Let it carry you away
to the meadows miles away.
Open your eyes,
flowers sway to and fro.
Glide your fingers
along them. 
Rise up look where you are,
a place where the stars 
meet the sun.

When I was little my mom used to say those words. For when I was ever afraid, lonely, or to lull me to sleep.  My mom, is the best person in my life. My best friend. In this town I've never had any friends. I have always been with my mom and no one else. School, I always sat alone at the lunch table. Sat in the back of the class so no one would notice me. My nerdy look and shyness always had the best of me. My look, I have straight brown hair that is always in a pony tail. Attached was my face with freckles and blue eyes with my square glasses. I always wear slacks or jeans with a sweater. This just shows how cool I am. I've rocked this look since I was 12. One wish I have always had is to find a friend. I mean I wasn't boy material.  My name is Cassandra. 


Tuesday, February 4, 2014


Hey Boondocks! This is a piece of a book I am wanting to work on and its about a small town girl who is taken from her mother who has given her up for adaption. Will she ever know? Even after 17 long years? Stay tuned and enjoy!

When I first entered the earth
I could feel the sun and the air 
on my face.
It felt warm and bright.
A sign of welcome
into my future
and where I would die.
Everything seems
So innocent and pure.
As I stair into the eyes of my 
mother I feel her heart beat
the sound of comfort 
to warm me when I'm lost
Everything feel into place 
Until one dark day, 
in the mists of my sleep
I was taken from 
the warm safe haven

Cold claws lifted me up
I screamed and cried
for my mother.
She was in tears but didn't stop them
I cried and kicked
Then everything went black.

17 years later... 
Making my way back from school,
or the dungeon,
I isolate my mind
on the open pavement.
Peddling in the smooth sun;
my favorite moment on a May afternoon
Just ride and ride to my hearts content.
I get to the familiar green lawn
With the pink flower garden, 
and a white decked porch, 
creating the entrance to the yellow house
I call home.
From outside I can smell 
my mother's sweet pie.
The smell draws me in

"Hello": Mom
Hey Mom i said cheerfully.
"How was school today?"
"It was good but one of my teachers picked on me."
"Oh how so?"
"Well after class he pulled me aside and asked why I didn't look like my family."

To Be Continued...

Picture: Orphan_Annie_by_cookiemonstah.jpg

Sunday, February 2, 2014

My Navy Hero

Farewell At Sea

Dear Friend,
These long years with you 
Rustle  in my thoughts
like a hurricane.
Ive looked at the pictures
over and over
holding them in
keeping them locked up
and safe.
Letting them boil
as though acid through my heart.
I can't take it anymore! 
My heart is aching for your love,
Its burning my soul with fire.
I miss you more than the earth misses
the bright sun warming the grass 
on this very earth.
Flashes of our last words
echo everywhere
like a ghost
I can feel your last hug
Not wanting to let go
to leave me here alone.
I need you ever day
Your the one that keeps me 
strong, breathing life, looking at the future.
Now I sit here alone
staring at the ceiling 
waiting for you to help me. 
Through this pain I have in my heart.
I want you more than anything because 
I love you more than you will ever know.
Even though your with someone else
your still there for me. 
To cherish me and everything we had.
Now you depart at sea
after passing the test of a man.
To protect us from harm.
Now I say one thing,
give me a hug when you get back
The longest you've ever given me. 
I love you as wide as the universe.
Your dearest me.