Tuesday, June 6, 2017

The I Don't Know

How can there be so much joy and beauty on this blue canvas. When clearly, in the bluest of blues there is unbearable sadness. I want to keep her with me. But she is his. His daughter. She left her beauty mark on this earth. How could you take her away from me?? It's still unbelievable that one moment she's here and the next she's gargles for her last breath. Her husband's song rings in the room. The last thing she heard before she went. She told me not to cry and not to bare sadness... how could I not welcome it in. Like an old friend. It's the only comfort I have in my lonely heart. My friends are not near me. Because I didn't ask for it. Though a small visitor wouldn't hurt. It would help vomit the lump in my throat that keeps me from screaming and wailing... why why did she have to leave. How could such a word as grief or loss come into my vocabulary so strongly. This pain makes me physically ill and tired. It puts an entire lifetime of stress on my mind. I need to not look at my old life and self or I'll accept it's ora. The only glance or gaze to look and study is taking baby steps as the journey begins

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